pixiE scorPio

开心乐龙龙2012。。。=）

2012-02-12T00:54:00.002+08:00

1. 希望家人感情好点。
2. 举止斯文点。
3. 说话慢些。
4. 学业进步，保持GPA 3.0。
5. 学吉他。
6. 假期工作。
7. 加强英文程度。
8. 照顾眼睛。
9. 多和MY LOVE SEGi 聚在一起。
10. 社交圈子广。

750 words Free Writing Style on First Class

2012-01-15T23:10:00.004+08:00

My name is Tan XiXian, but I prefer people to call me Jan. So that is easier to remember. However, my intimate will call me Janjan, so that it sounds friendlier. Well, I am a happy-go-lucky person. I would always love to cheer people up. As I believe when people around me are happy, everything goes lucky. Chill! Chill! =)

Currently, I am doing American Degree Programmed in SEGi University College, majoring in Communication and Marketing, awarded by Upper Iowa University, United State. That mean I can get my credential from the State by finish my Degree locally. I choose to further my study in SEGi is because it near my house and the fees is reasonable. Besides, I decide to take Communication and Marketing as a combination is I want to take on challenge to be more exposed. In the way that brush up my communication skills. Therefore in future, I am able to interact with people across a wide range of disciplines including various media companies, multinational organizations, government or private organizations. The inspiration that keep me move on in my life is, always set a goal, thus, you know which path you are attempt. For example, I want an A for my paper; so, I tell myself, try my best to achieve my goal.

Back to my high school life, I am an ordinary student and I use to be a “play girl”, which occasionally play truant. Recall back, I remember one time I am about to expel from the school due to skipping class. I was called by the discipline teacher and the punishment was suspended for one week. My tears drop out instantly in front of my teacher the first time. I feel ashamed. Lastly, he gives me a chance to repent. Before that, I splurge my time at school chatting and playing around with all my friends. At that time, my life seems like meaningless. I bring nothing back to home. I get very low grade in all my subjects. Even when my parents send me to tuition, I always play at the back of the class, not concentrating at all. And when PMR is around, I remember I told my mum, “Don’t waste money sending me to tuition”. I don’t want my parents to waste money on me but I return with a poor grade. Basically, this is me when I am 15. Later on, I realized I have to sit for SPM after my trial, I am panic. I told myself, this is the last chance; this is the last paper I am going to sit for it before I left the school. At that time, I have start going to another tuition centre without all my friends. Hence, I can concentrate during the lessons. Moreover, I also do revision by my own. I face lots of trouble and I have struggle very hard. It is tough, really tough. Luckily, I have met my tuition teacher, Mr.Yap. I feel lucky and glad meeting him. The advices, encouragements and motivation he gave, I will always remembered in my life. I remembered he gave me free tuition on Account and Mathematics every day after school individually. In addition, he ensures that I can finish doing by myself. He gave me lots of exercises to practice and correct me when I wrong. I can say I learn from zero to fifty. Even he seems tired; he did not complain and did not give up on me. One time, I saw him fall asleep. I am really thankful to him. In my mind, I tell myself, I cannot disappoint him. One day, I want to score my result with flying colors. Although, I have score “B” on my account paper in SPM but I still feel happy. At least I have tried my best and put all my effort.

Before entering to college life, I am working in an account firm company as a part time trainee for 5 months. I started to work on the firm is because after my SPM, I have no direction, I have no idea which course to choose. So I just enter to a firm to try something new. It was a nine-to-five job. So every morning, I just walked over there. It takes only 15 minutes. It is a good exercise since I don’t know how to drive at that time. I have trained to insert all the data of a company by using a system, USB. Additionally, I am assign with something more difficult, I have to work on audit too.

During my free time, I love to go gymnasium. I would spend an hour in the gym cycling and running on the treadmill. Additionally, I also like to carry the dumbbell; this would maintain my muscle not losing so fast. Going to the gym is like part of life, I am like addicted to it. Also, I will join my “badminton kaki” every Wednesday playing badminton at Kepong Badminton Sports Center. There are 8 of us. So, we have to book for 2 courts, 2 hours. We have enjoyed our time. We wanted to train our self as; we are not only studying but also active in sports. Furthermore, I love to go sing karaoke with my friends too. I feel like when you sing, it makes you release stress. Remembered one time, we spend about 7 hours in the room. Singing and dancing non-stop, so energetic and feel high. And when we get out, I feel like I have a sexy voice.

I wana be with you...

2012-01-02T22:19:00.001+08:00

I just want to post this and keep it as a memory. Buttship forever.

Darling Nicole,

"I wana be with you,
If only for a night to be the one whose in your arms, who holds you tight."
Love and miss you forever.

Thank you for everything, as a friend, I truly feel is a great happiness knowing you.
Thank you a billion for bringing me to a world that filled with laughter.
Thank you for being there for me when I need you.
Thank you for ignoring my faults.
Thank you for sharing me your story, I lovin it.
Thank you for your invaluable advices, devotion, encouragement and motivation.
Thank you for spending your precious time with me and also the hard time.
Thank you for your trust and understanding.
Thank you for your protection and support.
Thank you for your warm gentle kiss. I taste the truth. xoxo!
Thank you for holding my hands and hugs.

Please accept my sincere appreciation darling.
Just call my name when you need.

Sorry, I didn't but any gift for you, BUT Mentos...
I don't know why I will buy you this candies, may be is very colorful,
I wish you have a good life over there like the colorful Mentos.

Lets it over. I want back laughther.

2011-10-23T23:04:00.006+08:00

When is the dispute start again?

How come by just talking then it end up argument?

Why can't we just talk it nicely?

I seriously don't like argument, especially seeing both of you counter against each others,

No one like this to happens, it hurt each others, I really don't want see all of us end up with tears,

Just lets it STOP in our generation, I'm not going to bring this in my LIFE.

ALELUYA!!!

Since when this happen almost weekly?

Every week the same issue over and over again.

I choose to be silent doen't mean you are right, everyone have their own thinking,

If you say somehing positve, I will agree with you,

PLEASE give respect, don't always criticize your lover indirectly and in front of others,

I hate your action this way. Don't show off.

我哭了。。。9928

2011-09-28T20:26:00.008+08:00

我哭是因为我很害怕，

我哭是因为联络不上妳，

我哭是因为我闯了个大祸，

我哭是因为我看到你在呻吟，

我哭是因为我的心真的受伤了，

我哭是因为我接受不到这个事实，

我哭是因为我很内疚，

我哭是因为我无能为力，

我哭是因为在这一秒还有你们的安慰，

我哭是因为妳没有怪我，

我哭是因为我看到妳失去了那魔鬼的恶梦，却努力的在寻回那段记忆，

我哭是因为我想像不到如果躺卧在病床的是我，

我哭是因为我真的放不下我的错，

我哭是因为我怕这会带来给妳一个阴影，

就让我嚎哭一场，我真的会好过一点，

我永远会记得今天所发生的一切，

我想对妳说我很抱歉，对不起，

也许每当我徘徊在那道路上，都会想起这事件，

我祝福你早日康复，希望能看到原来的妳，

我会在未来的一个月吃素赎罪。

Oral Quiz (22 Sep'11)

2011-09-25T20:40:00.006+08:00

I'm looking at the paper that I wrote...is about the speech. Before I throw, I decide to post it in my blog.

ORAL QUIZ, when I heard this word from my lecturer, I was shiverring, can't concentrate anymore. It sound kinda scary. At that time, I'm trying to figure out what kind of oral quiz she will give us...because I'm not a good speaker.

The day before the oral quiz, I can't sleep well. Dreaming of the quiz drive me gonna to crazy soon. Oh GOD! Lots of stress and pressure.

On the day itself, I try to calm myself down. I tell myself to try on new thing and do my best. We started with the lecture before the quiz. So here the quiz come...

The topic is ask us to prepare a 3 minutes speech if we are running for prom queen or prom king on the graduation dinner. GOSH...My brain stuck, totally go blank, cannot think of anything to share. I take out a piece of paper, twisting my pen around for a few minute, the paper still empty. Luckily thats a small break in between, that give me some time to think of some story. At first, I'm trying to create a story but I find out that have to be a real life story. Then I give up, and brainstorm again. My brain still can't work, jam already. Meanwhile, my idea comes from my lecturer who trying to help out a student in front of me. Haha!

Hmm...this is how my speech goes like. I can feel my hand was shiverring when I'm presenting.

Good evening ladies and gentlement. My name is Jan and I am running for prom queen for the Annual Graduation tonight. Since this is the Annual Graduation, everyone are going to step out from the gateway and moving towards new life, lets us refresh some good memories at this moment. For me, I feel very nervous during the orientation day. I really afraid of being alone. Luckily, I get to know one of my friend from ADP which sitting next to me. In a trice, we have grown to be more mature after 4 years, our relationship that spend together is the most preious and value. Well, study life is tough and stressful. Nobody love when it come to exams and assignment. However, our persistence has make us sucess and walk away with a degree. As friend, we are willing to help each others to let go difficulty. As a saying goes, "out of difficulty, make miracle". Also, we play, study and work hard to score good grade. I can say our hardwork pay off. All those happy memories will kept in my heart forever. Lastly, I want to walk away with the prom queen title to keep this beautiful memory forever. Please vote for me. Thank you!

That all. WEE! Finish my speech. Felt so relieved.

我们这一Gang!!! (1 Aug'11)

2011-08-10T09:40:00.004+08:00

My Love in SEGi

可以说好久、很久都没和你们这一Gang聚在一起了，

所以我的出现都让你们吓到吧！哈哈！

不要问我是什么风吹我来？

只是太想你们了，想和你们闲聊，

大家似乎都对我的来临感到惊讶，

难到我真的那么久没和你们说笑吗？

想一想，还真的很久没联系了，

我呀！都对你们的生活资讯过时了，对不起！

是时候更新了，

不然就快变得不熟悉了，

我不要我们的友谊变淡了，

可是有时却抽不到合适的时间与你们一起，

只能说声对不起，请多包涵，

如果时间能够倒流，

我也希望它停留在我们那快乐疯狂的时刻，

因为随着岁月的成长，我们各自在忙自己的课业，工作，

渐渐的发觉我们有了陌生的感觉，

好像与你们脱离得好远，

我希望我能多了解你们，

毕竟我们永远是最贴心的一组。

友谊永固！

Big girl don't cry

2011-08-06T12:00:00.002+08:00

Don't know why? I feel better after I have cry out, (may be it release out my sadness)
My tears flow like a river at the time you hug on me tightly, it bring grudge,
I unable to voice out; totally lost control at this moment,
That the time you say GOODBYE.
The day without your laughther, accompany, I lost my senses,
I know you are travelling soon, thus, I follow you in and out this day,
You are extremely care about us that you have prepared everything in advance,
What I want is to stay with you forever and hope the day don't even come,
I'm selfish if I do not let you go,
However, I feel pain when I suddenly out of shelther,
I aware that the time to stay strong and independent,
Sorry, didn't get to send you to the train station,
Because they are going shopping later.
Alright, my eyes and nose have turn red,
It significant I'm absolutely a crybaby,
Got to take a nap and go back to study,
Thanks for calling mummy,
Anyway, have a joyful journey.

不一样的父亲节。。。

2011-06-19T20:29:00.008+08:00

也许一句简单的问候，

能够改变这个结局，

再一次和你说对不起，

是无数次对不起，

我很内疚，

我不想对你那么冷淡，

但，

我不会用行动表达，

只是默默的在犹豫，

为什么就是这样失败？

连和你说声“父亲节快乐”都那不出勇气，

这是，

脑海里突然呈现出你的画面，影子，

我真的很怕有一天再也没有办法对你说：

爸，父亲节快乐，

我爱你，

然后再给他一个拥抱。

今天只能够说爸：一万句对不起，

一万句我爱你。

My Dreary Life (Spring 2011)

2011-05-25T14:28:00.004+08:00

What a miserable life?

I really cannot survive in this way...Beh tahan...

Every morning I wake up like hopeless and meaningless,

I duno what to do,

The only thing was I go jog to cut my weight... because eat a lots this holiday...FAT,

I ended my days with sleep, eat, movie, daydreaming, facebooking and blogging...

Well...

I have try to search part-time job online, but failed,

Then Nicole introduce me to a job at Giant Kota Damansara --> Adidas roadshow event, I'm so happy because we can work together,

BUT BUT BUT

I request to STOP after the first day because seem like get cheated...DAMN

I have told by the person who in charge that I get a basic pay of RM 80 + 30(transport allowance) + 15% commision,

THEN

His assistant came and tell me another story,

I text him the next morning and say I want to quit,

He keep on begging me,

Hence, I promise to work for him on the weekends and he promise to pay me, WEE!!!

I have plan my semester break schedule, yet screwed up,

I suppose to go trip, again didn't join,

I wondered iddly,

I detested myself,

I'm the one who destruct my holiday,

In fact, I ought to shout out loud and have a hilarious break,

At last, nothing I have fulfill,

I started to hated holiday,

I wondered nostalgically those vigorous life,

Well, it sound ridiculuous voicing nonsense,

No one to blame, the control button is with me,

I'm the one who have to take initiative,

I don't want to be leftover.

我需要

2011-05-23T12:22:00.002+08:00

总是展现你的实力，
总是描述你的为人，
总是显示你的关怀，
但，就是在我最需要你的那一刻，
你却没协助我。
是你曾告诉过我，女生在某些事上需要男生撑腰，
因为当我们“出事”时，
爸爸，男朋友，老公都是我们的拥护者，
可是你那一句“这种人不好惹，”
我就能够确认这次你不会插手，
为了这件事，我都心痛不已，
而你也在这次没帮上忙，真让我不知所措。
有时候，真的很讨厌你那一副严肃又冷酷的样子，
见到就像见到训导主任，
总是因为些事情而气恼，
要抓摸你的心真有点难度。
其实今天需要你的帮忙是因为我必须去见一个不相熟的人，
而因为那人有些不正当的举止，
所以需要你出面，
也许没你，一切都被我搞砸了。

Make police report...

2011-05-06T14:22:00.005+08:00

That no turning point, we end up in police station BSD, the one that opposite Bestari high school. After reporting my case to the police on duty, he adviced me to always think before taking any move. Well, well, well...I have mess up the main purpose of today action. Suspose we are there to bincang with a fellow, who is a staff, work at SDC club. He has suspect have stole my I-phone. Of course, without any evidence, I would'nt simply tuduh him. That an unknown person who disclose informations for me and I believed this person worked in SDC club as well. Since this person willing to share so much thing with me regarding my I-phone, hence, I believed he/she is my benefactor. Our communication are all via Facebook. In our last 2 conversation, the person have asked me to bring a 30+ guy along as my protector to be more secure if anything happen because the fellow have an improper manner. However, I did not do so because no one here is above 30. Hence, I have call my cousin brother who 2 year older than me to assist. When we were there, I saw the fellow using an I-phone where I am standing at the corridor in front of the gym room looking thru the glass door. Then, my cousin walk in and ask him out to bincang personally. Let say if he willing to return back then we rewards him RM 200. Everything does not goes like what we wish it to be. He keep denying that he has stole my phone and when I ask to check the series number, he show nervous impression. He give plenty of excuse to escape from being check. Also, he threathen me with this words, "Kalau you malukan saya, nanti kamu rasa." I suspect him as a theft because so conincident that when my phone lost then he get one. He even say I tuduh him when I continue request to check the access code. At last, we give up because we have no other way to settle this method. So, the best way I think is to go make police report. >.<

原来

2011-05-04T21:42:00.003+08:00

我以为，我会等下去，

我以为只要专心的守着一个人，那个人迟早都会看到，会明白的，

原来我错了。

回想起，我们都相识了2年，

2年，说长不长，说短不短，

但在这一秒，也就是最后一秒，

我把之前的回忆彻底删除，

俗语说旧的不去，新的不来，感情也一样吧，

我不想困在一个没有结局的感情，换来的只有泪水，

我要做回原来的我。哈哈！

其实，爱情并不是人生的全部，

当爱已不在，能够潇洒地放手，

放过别人的同时，最重要的是放自己一条生路，

毕竟，我们应该为自己而活。

也许并没有开始过，只是某些行为让我有被爱的错觉，可是那或许真的只是错觉。。。

《暗恋是一种病》

原来当你在暗恋一个人的时候，感觉很不错，

你会默默的在关心他的一举一动，会很想那个人在做些什么，

但不让对方知道。

《确认》

当我知道你们相爱，有了开始有了未来，

在我心里放不下的也该释怀，收拾好把它掩埋。

My Weaknesses (11 April'11)

2011-04-12T22:51:00.005+08:00

OUCH! What's going on with me in today both HRM and Macroeconomics presentations? I'm SO SO SO unsatisfy with my performance. One thing I can deny is that I'm unprepared. This will lead to nervous, unfocused and did not give further explanatios on the point. Aiyo! That so wasted, since I'm wearing so formal and "smart" also no point. Not a good presenter at all. Honestly, I have skipped a lots of points in my HRM presentation without discover until I suddenly aware that, "why am I moving so fast." At that time, I start to elaborate more. Yet, no one noticed I have jumped so fast. Luckily! At the end of our presentation, I though Zuraida will comment on my point , BUT, she also didn't noticed. Haha! I'm safe. After that, we all move back to our seat respectively, at the same time, that 10 minutes break time. Without wasting my time, I switch on my lappie to compeled all the report and slides for Mac. "Double combo" for today. That a presentation in next class. I complete it in an hours than shift to Mac class. Again, presentation time, time allowed in 25 minutes. This time, is much more better. At first, I'm so blur, totally my mind fly to somewhere and only physically here. I did not followed the consequences of my slides. Oops! I then quickly put away my notes and focus back on my slide, explained in my own words. Lala! Finally, my part finished. Then proceed to Q and A session, really trigger our minds. That so many question from the floor. ALAMAK! To me, I'm sure I cannot answer those question, luckily my group members can handle it. SIGH! My weaknesses. Lastly, very glad that I'm with both HRM and Mac teams, I will learn from you all as well as my BIG mistake --> WEAKNESSES! >.<

消失了

2011-03-25T20:24:00.000+08:00

很多时候，东西不见了，好像是命中主定的，

这次是我遗失了我生命中最珍贵的一份礼物，

每次当你们提起它的时候，我都会不时的回想起它，

我再也没有机会接触它，抚摸它，爱惜它，

除非拿了它的无名人把它归还原主，

我觉得我每次为你流泪都是值得的，

虽然知道你不会回到我身边，

但哭了总觉得舒服些，

不知是不是和你无缘，你就这样的走了，

我慌张得四处找你却没有你的影子，

预感通常都是会离开了，

但还是坚持的寻找，

我真的很遗憾也很内疚没把你好好的带着，

没有的再回头，

这次是个很大的教训，

让我最后一次的想你。

FUYOH! I have a new line --> DIGI

2011-03-11T20:20:00.001+08:00

I'm using DIGI network currently. This time is using postpaid. A new change in this special day. You will get what I mean by special day if you know me. LOL! We apply at Kepong Jusco, First Floor at My Mobile shop. Choosing a new no, took me about an hours. I believe the salesperson will get hesitate by us. My sister and I are applying for a new number. We kept requesting for different no, if we can, we wish we can create a no that we desire. But sorry, they didn't provide this type of service. Finally done ~ WEE! Feel like wanted to buy TOTO now. OK STOP!

Before changing my mind to use DIGI, I kepy wondering whether want to take or not. Actually I don't feel like changing, I want to keep my line, however, I change it for the reason that my whole family member are using it, thus, is more convenience. But still, I missed my MAXIS no. I just can't stop loving you, may be because you are with me since I was 15, I have approximately 5 years relationship with you. Haha! Besides, I will keep you by my side. Using this no have both benefits and drawbacks. Advantage is the payment will claim under my daddy account; disadvantage is I cannot carry on my no, moreover, MAXIS connection status is more faster compare to DIGI.

My line is activated after 2 hours from the time we registered. After activation process, I would like to called to DIGI centre to disconnect my internet access from DIGI, but I failed. Then I ask mum to assist me. Thank you very much mum. As using smart phone, the internet connection will connected automatically. Therefore, before put in the simcard in my phone, I have to verify that the internet connection is discard. Hehe! By now, I didn't tell any of my friend this no yet. :D

SORRY, I don't mean that...27 January 2011

2011-01-27T22:34:00.000+08:00

Everything just happens in a minute with 3 words. I have no idea why I suddenly say that aloud. Fine, I’m here to apologize because I believe it hurt you deeply. Sorry a billion Daddy. It was just a tiny conflict and I don’t wish it brings sadness. Besides, I would like to thanks my Mummy for her advice and guidance. You have figure out my mind. Since you know that I don’t dare to face in front of him, yet, you help me out with another option – via SMS. Anyway, I have done my part, but I don’t know did he receive my SMS or he has forgive my fault. Sooner, when he is back, his reaction and expression shows that he still unhappy. “Love needs forgiveness, without the blame and recrimination, to survive,” by Thelma. I will keep this quote in my mind forever. It helps me a lots after analyze the meaning.

Well, well, well, throughout the years, I acknowledge that I have done thousands or even billions of things that would make people feel hurt and sad. I feel guilty after doing so. However, something I just can’t control my action, especially my words. That the time for change. Sorry a billion again to the all people that I have unintentionally hurt you. Thank you for your forgiveness.

In a nutshell, my visions in 2011 are peace, harmony and happiness. No more tears and arguments.

过客

2011-01-21T10:06:00.000+08:00

午夜十一时，好想和你聊天后再入眠。。。
其实我有很多烦恼又心痛的问题，不该如何是好？？？
不知怎么，家的气氛充满了吵与伤情，而我却被夹在中心，左右为难！！！
什么时候这起浪能够彻底毁灭？我只想要一个温暖的家，表面上是完美但却相反，
我真的有点喘不过气，为了你们，只好牺牲一次，但我怕越帮越糟，
连续一次又一次，或许会散（我很不忍心的打消了这个念头），为什么？
快想法子来拯救这段婚姻，可我却拿不到办法，我有点累，为何是我来面对？？？
谁才是祸手？？？
仔细的听，听到妈妈的呻吟声，她用啤酒让自己舒缓情绪，
将近十二时了，只剩我和妈没睡，也许不想入眠，
在旁袖手旁观，到底能帮上什么？？？还有，最失败的是和妹的感情疏远，
看来是我出了问题！！！我不是不想关心你，而却是你不让我关心，
我很模糊，失败不能做一个好榜样，我尽量配合却被抛弃，
随着岁月的成长，我发觉我们的距离与感情都淡化了，就像似最熟悉的陌生人一样，
还有因为你那句话，伤透了我的心，我总觉得我对你而言只不过是个过客，再也找不回以往的你，也许问题出现在我，（我该检讨自己吧！）
我们之间其实不该出现这荒谬的问题，
咳！烦啊！>.< 如果有的选择，也许我会想当一只快乐的鸟。

Dance + Music (24 November 2010)

2011-01-14T21:50:00.000+08:00

DANCING is one activity that fights dementia, according to Dr Michael Valenzuala.

YO! YO! YO! Just dance. I will be OK. Step by step dancing, I feel my body movement spinning together with the blaze of music from the studio. Apparently, it seem like not in the right track, yet, I have a great experience with the crew. Something I have fun and on the other hand release stress. Like the saying goes, "kill two birds in one stone". At first, I do not have any intention on going for the class (New Jazz), however, my sister need accompany, then I followed. While my sister and I register at the counter, dancer who sit on the sofa look gorgeous. Class start in a minutes. The dancer who taught us was a slim, beautiful and trendy girl name "Jing Ling". We start up with warm up and stressing. Well, I have no problen in this session as I use to go gym. OUCH! The next session will be the tough part, although I can follow the step but when it combine all steps in once, I'm lost and mix up. Furthermore, I'm those type of person who can only focus one movement at once, hence, when I'm imitating the step of the dancer at the same time practising myself, I don't 100% caught attention. Merely, the dancer give more practise to train our speed from slow to high. All in all, although is extremely exhausted at the end, yet, is worth. What a BIG WOW was I sweat a lots. Haha! Hope in future, I'm able to join a crew of dancer. I know I'm stiff, I'm willing to learn because its a pleasure for me. I enjoyed it. :D

非我莫属

2010-11-10T21:54:00.000+08:00

请问你为什么要让我遇见你？

如果没有你的到来，我手上的那风筝就不会在空中飘落，

我开始怀疑自己为什么对那产生了一种特殊的好感，

好像掉进了爱情悬窝，原来。。。

因为你的出现让我投靠在充满关怀的世界，

慢慢的走入了我的心灵，

就像是心灵相通，

世上真的不容易让自己遇到，

虽然我们认识的日子不久，但总觉得彼此聊得津津有味，

刚开始，

只想单纯享受甜美的滋味，

甜过之后，一股辣冲到心坎里，

却发现真正的刻骨铭心已非我莫属，

裂缝出现，

再也难恢复到原本的状态，

无论如何总会留下伤痕，

你给的悲喜是我心情的投影，

请不要在偶然之下给予希望，

让我那渺茫、脆弱的心体会温馨，

可到最终变成绝望，

一切只能够变成回忆。

Surprise with an I-phone 3G! ^^ (29 Sept'2010)

2010-09-30T21:41:00.000+08:00

It was raining outside. Tonight, Aunt Yvonne’s flight stops over at KL. So, Mummy and I decide to visit her at Pyramid Resort. Along the way, it was super duper jam, bumper to bumper the entire journey. Anyway, no worry because Daddy is the driver. Haha! But Vivian and Ying stay at home prepared for examinations. It took an hour to reach there, Oh My God! 25 minutes drive turn out to be 60 minutes, can imagine how terrible congestion at this hours between 7-8pm. As I glance out from the window, people seem like eagerly rushing back for dinner. >.<>

Yay! We arrived there. Daddy drops us at the Resort then he went Puchong to look for his friends. Ahaha! Aunt Yvonne and her crews just reached the hotel also. Well, after she registers for the room, then we move to her lodgings. It was a services apartment. Alamak! I want to pee. LOL! I rapidly go for ladies. My incredible advanced BIRTHDAY gift then emerges and gives it to me. A big WOW! Am I dreaming? In my life, I never received such a BIG present before –I-phone 3G. Extremely happy and thankful. But, one thing mistaken from them was my actual age. Actually, this is my 21st Birthday gift, however, due to the blunder; I received an advanced one year gift. Thank a lot Aunt Yvonne. I LOVE YOU!

人生

2010-08-31T22:57:00.000+08:00

我很无奈，

不知道怎样做抉择，

时间过了一年又一年都还在犹豫`同一道问题。。。

突然真的好怀念中学的生涯呀！

那种无忧无虑的生活，上课+补习+温习=考试，

比起现在真的舒服得多。

我看我就快疯了，不知几时精神上会创伤，

我好像发泄，所以找上了6，我觉得和6闲聊真的很爽快，

因为6那长得又大又长的耳朵都在聆听我的苦恼，

虽然6乖乖的坐着听，但有时都会鼓励我，安慰我，谢谢你多年的关心，

我呢！最近好想多了解自己，

虽然活了差不多两年代，但还是不知自己要什么？

我觉得自己好像比残废人都不如，

他们多少都有给自己一个人生目标，

我却在浪费人生与光阴，

有点不像做人的意思，

但，因为上天赐了一条让我自己去开办的路，

我不希望我走错，后悔，

想了好久、好久。。。

其实我想知道，兴趣和未来哪个最重要？

Perhaps Love

2010-07-24T16:43:00.000+08:00

I've seen my chances come and go
How they escape me I'll never know

I've had the answer there in my hand

I just didn't understand.

Don't know what to say now

Don't know where to start

I don't know how to handle

A complicated heart.

I never meet anotherone

Who made my life so much fun

Cos every moment I'm with you

I never know what you're gonna do.

Everyday you change your mind

Do something different at all time

Life is a game you wanna play

24 hours a day

Its funny how.

I was wondering what love was all about

I was trying but couldn't work it out.

But then you came along to my surprise

And made my frozen mind come alive.

You drive me crazy but I don't mind

Someone like you is hard to find

I like the way you're moving around

In your world everything is upside down.

五一二

2010-05-20T20:47:00.000+08:00

哇！好久都没有向我的王子给倾诉我最近的生活了，不知你有没有想我呢？哈哈！平时我都是因为不快乐而借用了你那永远都那么贴心的肩膀好让我依靠和那长得像兔子般的大耳朵让我报告哦。今天却相反，我要与你一起献上祝福和祈祷。我今天突然心血来潮的原因是在这短短几年的今天发生了很多让我一生难忘的回忆。

*时光倒流* （2008）
还记得那一年的五一二，也就是我踏入一个让我从新适应的地方（SEGi），一开始觉得很陌生，无论环境还是人潮都首次见面。虽然爸妈总是陪在我身旁，但知道自己以往都会在这里相处，所以就得“曝光”到礼堂集合。我胆量还挺大。嘻嘻！表示我已成熟咯！人生中固然会经历无数次的第一次吧！当课系完毕后，大家带着满脸笑容回家。可就当我翻开报章时，晴天霹雳的头条大新闻让我心酸不已，我的天啊！！！是中国四川大地震，画面里的救伤人员忙着拯救，而一些以成功逃出的却痛哭流涕的盼望亲人也同样逃离大碍，最可悲就是失去家园的小朋友，还有在这场意外中身亡的。
#祝福在天堂的你们，也同样幸福快乐。#

*回到今天*（2010）
我很庆幸自己能够顺利地完成这3天2夜的训练营。转眼间已经是时候向这里所有的教练、优美的大自然（Dusun Eco Resort， Bentung， Pahang）说再见。虽然接触才不过3天，但已投入了这里那种享受过着平淡的生活，村民热情地招待，真让我依依不舍。由于我们受训的位置在高山，所以大型车如巴士不允许入进，我们必须乘坐一辆小型的卡车载送上、下。在这阴凉的下午，当所有学员准备返回时，突然在半山发生了一场意外-----卡车失控翻覆路旁斜坡，导致大约13名学员受伤。事发时，我已坐在巴士上等着其他学员们，可是在这时候就听到有人告知一位伤者流着血走下山求救，大家纷纷用跑的去看个究竟，因为知道自己不能帮上忙，所以就留在巴士，可是所有的朋友都各自的离去，所以也跟随，其实我不想有这样的事情发生，但这是意外，谁也不想的。当走上山坡的当儿，有位教练呼吁我们把自己的水瓶拿上去，我把水瓶拿到山坡时，见到患者们的呻吟，叫苦连天的喊痛时，我的心跳百倍，泪在眼眶打转，为了不让他们感受到难过，好想他们振作起来，我立刻阻止。在等待救伤车的当儿，我们只能够在旁安慰和暂时扶持他们。我发现原来要说服一位患者的心情是件不容易的事，在旁的我握着一位脆弱的伤者的手让她感受到温暖、不停的和她聊天，让她没那么寂寞。
#朋友。。。我们会为你祈祷，记得有我们的地方，你们是可以的。。。=)#

Unnerving + Gossip (12 Nov'09)

2010-01-14T16:34:00.000+08:00

"Hey, you heard or not...what happens to Jan?" "Oh my God, I can't believe she actually did that??" "Eh yeah la... why she so like that one ah?"

GOSSIP! GOSSIP! GOSSIP!!! Why that so many phrases almost every single day of our lives? Is this simple act called conversing, or sharing, or passing time...no, it's called gossiping! What would we do if a juicypiece of information came straight to us? We pass it along! That's the only human thing to do.

Don't fool yourself, everyone gossips. Yes, even myself.

*REWIND*

Today, when I'm having my lesson in class R 3.4 in the morning 9am-12pm -- a 3 hours class. My lecturer distributing our individual assignment to us. I was busy talking to my friend(Pooi Kwan) sitting next to me while waiting for my turn. Pooi Kwan get her paper back before me. She got really high score 13.5/15. At that time, I hope I can obtain this score as well. I mumbling. Yet, it wasn't what I expected. I sighed. That's only 9/15. What the hell??? Apparently, I didn't show my expression that I'm not satisfy but in my heart I face apprehensively. Merely, I tell myself that is the fact; I have to accept it. What I have to do now is put my ears up and do well in my final. Before our half an hour break, we are instruct to form a group of 6 for our group assignment. We are given a week of time to choose among ourselves. 3 of us are looking for other 3 people to join. We were looking around the class.

*REVERSE*

When A and me are chatting in the canteen while B buying her food, I was amaze that suddenly C come and sit down and chat with us. She say if 3 of them C, D and E join us, it that all right? I did not give any response but A say will discuse with other group member. Honestly, I'm OK with that but I know that would be a dispute. That why I keep silence. Queen bees around.

告别机会 (23 Nov'09)

2009-11-30T23:47:00.000+08:00

缘分让你、我相近，

距离把你、我疏远，

时间冲淡了一切，

回忆在我脑海徘徊。

从一首歌听到的曲和词，能够感受到作者的心灵，这就是为什么听歌能够放松心情与感动人心，

在这次的挣扎中，我学会了说谢谢和放下，

机会不是由你我来做决定而是与行动来争取，过了，就等于完了，

就像种了一颗树，须要用心的栽培、心思、修饰、施肥让它在舒适与肥沃的土地里成长，

在此想跟你说谢谢，

谢谢你给予充裕的时间，

分享了我的哀、调整我的累也解了我的渴，

虽然我也常在这里等，

等着漫长的过渡可以快点上岸，

但在暄吵的夜市里也只能檫肩而过，

也许这是一种告别的方式吧！

我就把这一切当看了部爱情电影也好，

落幕后等于结束了，

还真想有部清净机好让我把所有的垃圾清除，保持健康、开心。

Is too late to overcome my obstacles =(

2009-10-26T23:17:00.000+08:00

I'll be sitting for my final exams soon. Actually I'm doing quite well as my standard. But I always consider myself worse off when I compare myself to my friends who always get straight As. I have to work really hard to do well and I envy people who excel with so little effort. I'm so tortured by this... why is so unfair?

Recently, I get trouble due to requesting of taking UIU subject in Fall Term 2... This is because I have not yet taken the required external exam - which I am scheduled to take on 7 November. As a result I am now only be able to take 1 subject as opposed to the standard 2 subject per term.

Yet, I'll try my best to do well and maintain my GPA of 3.0 so that next term I will be able to cope with 3 subject, Gampateh! I see mistake-making as part of the learning process, which I frame as positive and never-ending. :)

树

2009-09-06T22:44:00.000+08:00

[我想当一棵树。。。]

在《蓝色生色恋》里，女主角小时候的一句话，感动了我的心。因为树不会与家人分开，所以想当一棵树。

这样的话语，对离别在即的人难免心中万分感触。

加上那伴奏的钢琴声，增添了更多的感动。[我想当一棵树]。我从来没有这么想过。或许是因为，我与家人，没有这样的别离。

我想当一棵树吗？一棵树，永远生长于同一片土地上，不会离开。我愿意将自己的一生，框在一个小小的视野之中吗？就当一棵树。一棵只能在原地成长，只能期待路人停下脚步陪上一刻的一棵树。

我想，我一定不愿意当一棵树。不愿意一个人痴痴地等待的那种感觉。我要追寻。对生活，我有很多期待，有很多梦想，而这一些，是我当一棵树所不能期许的。当一棵树，我就只能默默地，静静地接受。

我真被这部戏剧给牵动了我的心，泪水不断的往眼帘流下。有时候我在想，如果有一天发生在我的身上，我会这么办呢？

The reason I work (12 Aug'09)

2009-08-13T21:49:00.000+08:00

* Rewind*
Today, I wash a bunch of cloths at the laundry bag of a weeks, and hang it out at the balcony under the hot sun. When I went in to the dining room resting, the surrounding was so quiet because Daddy is attending one of our relative funerals, he is a news reporetr on Tv2 before that, he died of heart attack at the aged sixty-five. Chinese used to add three more aged on the actual age of the dead which mean sixty-seven. To me, I still have a little impression of his look but we seldom contact. Anyway hope our great teacher rest in peace.

*Play*
I was thinking that what topic should I write for today, I try to flip through the newspaper to get some idea yet nothing caught my attention. Finally, I know what I'm going to write. I choose this topic because I feel like want to know more about myself and what is the purpose make me desire to work. For sure, people may guess because of GOLD, that's half right and is one part of it. In my mind, that's also several reasons. The second reason is I wish to gain extra experiences and knowledge in my summer break. Lastly, my own principle, I want to know how hard the GOLD earned, and I don't wish to take out my hands to ask people for money, even my parents. Sounds crazy, huh? Nevertheless, can you imagine the day without GOLD, isn't it hard to survive? So, is GOLD vital? Different people may have diffrent answer. Here come an argument. For me, is imporatant even though many paople always said that money cannot get good 亲情, but
GOLD be able to get everything I wish for,
GOLD can do donations and ..... ^.^

苦苦等待

2009-05-31T23:31:00.000+08:00

“曾有人说过,，爱情虽然不能用双眼看到，
但是可以用心体会到这一丝的风，
又曾有人说过，爱情就像白天的星星一样，
虽然不能看到但是在某个地方正在发光，突然有一天开始刮风，
有一个发光的星星飞进了我的心，就像爱情能像就跟魔鬼一样来到我身边，”
有时默默的等待6的出现，像傻瓜的我却花了不少金钱也买不到的数字，
虽然我不知道最后将会有这样的结果，但我不放弃等待流星的出现，
我不想知道也不想懂任何的一切，头脑感觉像是打了个结，
不该如何是好，我倦了，累了，
真的很想借用6那像似我枕的肩好让我依靠着，
我在部落格等待6的声音但一无所有，只好找寻我的‘幸运天使’来抒解我的心情，
此时，我真有点惭悔当时没把6给留下，
可一切已太迟了，只好由老天来注定我倆的命运，
我喝下那杯忘情水，让我们从此当个熟悉无缘的朋友，
不再流泪，忘了这一切，
我却放不下这段情，常在幻想中与6共享天伦，
我试用藏有摇滚的玩意儿让心情平静下来，可是想起和6在一起的点点滴滴，
自己却控制不来时，雨水就不停的下滑，
我有多想6，心房里真像被一枝针流过，
这是因为自己还不能专心投入以充满摇滚的世界，为了将美好的回忆收藏在爱心盒，
将不快乐抛弃，其间都与朋友到青少年爱去的时尚场所做些运动，
这时刻，我只愿自己承担一切过去。